Mary Sue Extermination Cooperation, Part Phantom
by oh-the-irony-13
Summary: Of their beauty and grace, we truly know all. They can be lithe and humble, or stand proud and tall. But what happens when the wise of us answer the call? Their tales will unravel, the Sues will all fall. Parody fic. Made for fun. K for slight violence.


**This is a parody, written because I love Mary Sue parodies. It's just for shits and giggles, so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera. Unfortunately, all I own is Elizabeta.**

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One fine day at the Paris Opera House, the corps de ballet was practising away. Pirouettes, leaps and twirls, but we're not here for that so let's move on.

Dancing along with the rest of the nameless ballerinas was a true vision. Her chocolate brown curls fluttered about her face as she twirled. She was thin, yet beautifully curvy, and had eyes the colour of spring, even though that's not really a colour. Just imagine spring, as a colour, and that's the colour of her eyes. Okay?

This beauty had a name to match her incredible looks. and the ballet mistress was about to call it now.

"Elizabeta Maria Venice Angel Gloria Sparkle Desmond ! Excellent job!" She exclaimed in pride.

Elizaeta Maria Venice Angel Gloria Sparkle Desmond bowed her head, gave a soft smile and said in a voice like sweetest honey, "Thank you Madame Giry. I love to dance."

"For the last time Elizabeta, I am not the box keeper." The ballet mistress said in a slightly frustrated voice, but it faded fast, because who could ever be frustrated with Elizabeta?

"Take five everyone! We'll start again in a few minutes!" The ballerinas all dispersed about the stage, tittering about unnamed topics, while Elizabeta wandered off to the dressing rooms.

Elizabeta Maria Venice Angel Gloria Sparkle Desmond had not simply gone to the dressing rooms to grace them with her presence. No, she always was looking for the next chance she could be alone, for she longed to meet the phantom of the opera. She knew that if she could only find him, he could teach her to sing, and she would become the prima donna, and they would get married and live happily ever after, because she could love him despite his face. Because that was the type of amazing person Elizabeta Maria Venice Angel Gloria Sparkle Desmond was. And of course she knew everything about the phantom, her soon-to-be beloved Erik, because she was also his long-lost childhood playmate.

She sat down in a chair in the dressing rooms, puffed up her beautiful ebony hair, and began to sing. She sounded like a choir of angels had crashed head-long into one of heavens own orchestras, and the corpse had been pecked at by the most luminous songbirds. There were little violins playing in the background, just because the universe could not let Elizabeta Maria Venice Angel Gloria Sparkle Desmond sing unaccompanied.

She finished her unnamed song, which was probably Think of Me, with a humble flourish. And then, a voice came from the mirror.

"You are good. But you could be better."

Elizabeta jumped at the sound. She hadn't expected him so soon. She had thought he would take some time to be in awe of her.

"Angel?" She called. "Is that you?"

"Yes." Said the voice, who could only be her sweet angel Erik. "Come to me Elizabeta. Let me teach you."

"And let me love you." She said. The mirror slid open and she walked though it in a dream-like state, into a dark corridor…

And immediately felt a rope tighten around her neck.

"Gack!" She yelled in a very ungraceful manner. She clawed at the noose, but it just got tighter and tighter.

"No, Erik, please!" She begged with the little breath she had. "We could have been so perfect together!"

The Phantom scoffed. "Just as I could have been so prefect with the other ten girls. Goodnight, Mary-Sue."

* * *

Erik pushed open the door of his house, dragging the Sue-corpse behind him.

"I'm ho-ome!" He yelled. "And I got another one!"

"Oh, excellent!" Said the teenager lying on his couch. "That one was tricky. How seamlessly she melted into their lives. It's disturbing."

Erik nodded, then proceeded to drag the Sue-corpse to the closet of bodies. The girl behind him was still going on about this particular brand of Sue.

The girl had appeared a few months ago, not long after Christine left. He had never seen her before, but found it prudent to listen to her when he discovered she was unkillable.

_"I'm a self-insert." She had said. "A really good one too. You can't even tell it's me looking in from my universe. Imagine an author putting himself in his own story, but he doesn't say two lines. That's me."_

_"But if you are a self-insert in my story," he had asked, "Why can I talk to you?"_

_"Because I'm that good." She had said. "Turn around, and you won't be able to describe me. I leave you alone for too long, you won't be able to remember me."_

_He had turned his back, and found that she was right. He couldn't describe her. He couldn't remember a single one of her features._

_She had given him a strange pendant after that, and told him that as long as he wore it, she would stick in his mind, as would the creatures she wanted his help in fighting._

"Mary-Sues!" Her voice snapped him back to the present. "It's amazing how many you find here. Of course, there are even more in the Potter-verse, but these Mary-Sues are insane."

"Remind me where they come from again?" He asked the Authoress. It was the only name he knew her by. She had said if any of the main cast knew her name, she would stick too much in the story.

"They are created in the minds of authoresses, like me." She ranted. "And then bleed into the reality of this universe. Honestly, that's the fifth time I've told you."

Erik huffed. "Well it is hard to keep it all straight. It is a lot to take in you know."

The Authoress rolled her eyes. "Says the self proclaimed genius." She teased. Suddenly, a small black box sitting on an end table began to beep loudly. The Authoress dove for it and began to press buttons on it.

"I've got to run, there's some major Sue activity in the Whoniverse." She said. "In the meantime, I'm getting readings of angelic singing from the rehearsal room. Ooh, and this one has hints of deformity."

Erik grinned beneath the mask. "I love those ones. So pathetic, their last words."

The Authoress beamed at him. "That's my boy." She said cheerily. She pulled a small silver knife from her belt and slashed it through the air, leaving an opening into what looked like a white void. The Authoress gave him the thumbs up and jumped through the opening, which sealed up after her.

Even though he expected it, the head rush from the universe trying to make him forget her was still quite uncomfortable. Still, it was worth it, this job. He liked the Authoress, even if she was just an annoying teenager. She was clever, and they shared a love of seeing the demise of those who, really, did honestly deserve it.

But there was not time to get sentimental. He grabbed the Punjab lasso and tightened it between his fingers, ready to terminate the Sue in the rehearsal room. He wondered what form of affection she would attempt to force upon him. Honestly, what girl would ever think he could just forget about Christine? They were mad, all mad. And they all were in love with him. Well, who better to kill them off than the one they were after? Oh, this was going to be fun.

And to think, it was just another day in the life of an official agent of the Mary-Sue Extermination Cooperation.

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**And there it is! But don't worry, MSEC membership is not just limited to me and Erik! You too, can join! Just write something like this in any fandom! And let me know, because I'd live to see how you get rid of Mary-Sues in your fandoms! Good luck, my fellow fighters! Together we can destroy them all! And please remember to press the little blue button!**


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